My mom is a hoarder and I'm afraid to invite people over?
Q. My mom is a serious clutter bug and a compulsive shopper. My parents have a big four-bedroom house. Growing up I could never have sleep overs or have people up to my room since all four bedrooms upstairs were filled. There's also a finished basement but that's full of junk as well. So when I had people over we basically had to stay in the living room, kitchen and den.
I'm 23 so I no longer live with my parents. And I don't even live near them anymore. I moved to the other side of the country for my job. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years. My parents have been out here where I live now and have met him. But he's never come home with me to my parent's house and hometown. To be honest I'm afraid to ask him to come visit my parent's house.
Unfortunately my mom's hoarding has caused stress between us. It's been so frustrating trying to get her to clean up things. She never wants to part with anything. And then I would try to clean up things without her knowing. She would eventually notice that I threw things out and then get mad at me. She also got mad with me when I suggested she go to therapy. It's a problem to have such an attachment to meaningless, inanimate objects. Finally I got most of her stuff out of my room and had a semi-clean bedroom junior and senior year in high school. I went away to college in another state. When I returned for Christmas break a few months later, she had filled my bedroom up with junk. Yes, I don't live there anymore and it's her house, but needless to say I wasn't very happy with her.
Because I grew up like this and it's always bothered me, my own house is very neat and organized. I hate having clutter around. For the first time in my life I actually have a home that you can see the entire bedroom floor. Growing up I had a path to my bed through the clutter :(
Even though I'm tidy and throw things away, I'm paranoid that my boyfriend might think that I will turn into a hoarder. My mom's a great person, she's just a terrible house keeper. What should I do? I haven't mentioned my mom's hoarding and have been keeping it from him. He's never seen their house so it hasn't come up.
Thanks for your help!
I'm 23 so I no longer live with my parents. And I don't even live near them anymore. I moved to the other side of the country for my job. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years. My parents have been out here where I live now and have met him. But he's never come home with me to my parent's house and hometown. To be honest I'm afraid to ask him to come visit my parent's house.
Unfortunately my mom's hoarding has caused stress between us. It's been so frustrating trying to get her to clean up things. She never wants to part with anything. And then I would try to clean up things without her knowing. She would eventually notice that I threw things out and then get mad at me. She also got mad with me when I suggested she go to therapy. It's a problem to have such an attachment to meaningless, inanimate objects. Finally I got most of her stuff out of my room and had a semi-clean bedroom junior and senior year in high school. I went away to college in another state. When I returned for Christmas break a few months later, she had filled my bedroom up with junk. Yes, I don't live there anymore and it's her house, but needless to say I wasn't very happy with her.
Because I grew up like this and it's always bothered me, my own house is very neat and organized. I hate having clutter around. For the first time in my life I actually have a home that you can see the entire bedroom floor. Growing up I had a path to my bed through the clutter :(
Even though I'm tidy and throw things away, I'm paranoid that my boyfriend might think that I will turn into a hoarder. My mom's a great person, she's just a terrible house keeper. What should I do? I haven't mentioned my mom's hoarding and have been keeping it from him. He's never seen their house so it hasn't come up.
Thanks for your help!
A. Honestly Honey the best policy is to be honest with your boyfriend, and actually I bet you that when you tell him this he will laugh !! yes laugh at you. He loves you for the person you are, he is not going to judge you via the way your mother keeps her house, in fact he might find the whole thing very interesting. In other ways too, it will make him understand you more because of your past you are the total opposite way - I'd imagine your what they call A MINIMALISTIC PERSON, well you must be if you can see the whole of your bedroom floor - so where do you sleep on a hammock hung from the ceiling - see, its nothing to worry about, it actually makes people laugh but in a good way, not taking the mickey out of your or your Ma.
Sit down and tell him and tell him that it bothers you, its the reason why you like everything neat and tidy, and tell him you have felt this way since you were a child. As for your Mom, well she is a whole different story, and the way she is makes me think that perhaps as a child herself she had very little, therefore she grows a fondness and attachment to these innate objects. I have a friend who when growing up there was little food in the cupboard for them, and from a child to a man of now over 60, he swore when he grew up his food cupboards would never be bare. In fact he comes in dead handy when the shops are shut and I have run out of sugar or tea bags, so childhood does effect people.
You have probably heard the old fashioned saying '' look at the mother and you will see the wife'', well its not true, not at all. All the kids that were abused as children, don't turn into abusers themselves. some yes but compared to the general population, they do not. What we lack in childhood we make sure the same does not happen to us when we are grown up and free to live our own lives. So STOP thinking you will turn out like your Mother, you will not, your so totally the opposite, so there is no way it will happen, and your man will know this. Sit and talk to him, tell him you find it an embarrassment, he will understand, and I bet you also he will get on with your mother like a house on fire. Sorry just another old fashioned expression I grew up with, but it has good meaning.
Good Luck face up to it, and tell. All will turn out well.
Billie UK
Sit down and tell him and tell him that it bothers you, its the reason why you like everything neat and tidy, and tell him you have felt this way since you were a child. As for your Mom, well she is a whole different story, and the way she is makes me think that perhaps as a child herself she had very little, therefore she grows a fondness and attachment to these innate objects. I have a friend who when growing up there was little food in the cupboard for them, and from a child to a man of now over 60, he swore when he grew up his food cupboards would never be bare. In fact he comes in dead handy when the shops are shut and I have run out of sugar or tea bags, so childhood does effect people.
You have probably heard the old fashioned saying '' look at the mother and you will see the wife'', well its not true, not at all. All the kids that were abused as children, don't turn into abusers themselves. some yes but compared to the general population, they do not. What we lack in childhood we make sure the same does not happen to us when we are grown up and free to live our own lives. So STOP thinking you will turn out like your Mother, you will not, your so totally the opposite, so there is no way it will happen, and your man will know this. Sit and talk to him, tell him you find it an embarrassment, he will understand, and I bet you also he will get on with your mother like a house on fire. Sorry just another old fashioned expression I grew up with, but it has good meaning.
Good Luck face up to it, and tell. All will turn out well.
Billie UK
a really loud ferret at night! and i mean loud what can i do?
Q. hi every one
i have to two wonderful ferrets Sam and jasmine and usually they sleep great at night, well Sam does but recently Jasmine get up at all hours and lies under her litter box and pushes it up and down and side to side and scratches it lol until she will actually fall asleep then i move her in her bed still sleeping so she doesn't get crushed when Sam goes. why is she doing it for? is she bored? this is what they have got in their cage
food and water
large corner litter box
blanket on bottom
mirror
hammock
crackling tube
and some dangling soft toy thing
is there anything else i can buy them so she doesn't get loud with her litter box?
and before i forget the important part they are out for a few hours every day until they get really tired =]
thanks guys
xx
WTF?? shoot i
i have to two wonderful ferrets Sam and jasmine and usually they sleep great at night, well Sam does but recently Jasmine get up at all hours and lies under her litter box and pushes it up and down and side to side and scratches it lol until she will actually fall asleep then i move her in her bed still sleeping so she doesn't get crushed when Sam goes. why is she doing it for? is she bored? this is what they have got in their cage
food and water
large corner litter box
blanket on bottom
mirror
hammock
crackling tube
and some dangling soft toy thing
is there anything else i can buy them so she doesn't get loud with her litter box?
and before i forget the important part they are out for a few hours every day until they get really tired =]
thanks guys
xx
WTF?? shoot i
A. Ferrets will be ferrets... :) This is >exactly< the reason my four fuzz-kids have their very own room. They kept us up at night when they lived in my bedroom. Every time they woke up to scratch an itch, get a drink of water or a nibble, and go to the bathroom they woke me up. Not to mention when Bear would wake up at 5am and decide he wanted OUT no matter how much we let him play the night before.
Secure the litter box to the cage. Super Pet redesigned their litter boxes recently to attach to the cage. But before we got one of the nifty new pans, we put bricks around ours to hold it in place.
The most advice I can offer other than securing the litter pan to the cage is to just deal with it and hopefully she'll grow out of it. If she falls asleep under the pan leave her there. Ferrets are made of slinky and rubber and she'll be fine if her "brother" squishes her a bit when he goes to the bathroom. :) If she doesn't like being squished then she needs to find somewhere else to sleep, right?
Secure the litter box to the cage. Super Pet redesigned their litter boxes recently to attach to the cage. But before we got one of the nifty new pans, we put bricks around ours to hold it in place.
The most advice I can offer other than securing the litter pan to the cage is to just deal with it and hopefully she'll grow out of it. If she falls asleep under the pan leave her there. Ferrets are made of slinky and rubber and she'll be fine if her "brother" squishes her a bit when he goes to the bathroom. :) If she doesn't like being squished then she needs to find somewhere else to sleep, right?
Ways to maximize space in a TINY room? I'm depressed?
Q. I'm a 20 year old university junior. I have three younger siblings. I live with my parents. When my parents moved into the house we live in now, it had 3 bedrooms (one of which being the master), and a giant upstairs that was all open like a loft (techincally a bedroom i guess). I have younger sisters, and one younger brother. Naturally, my brother got his own room because "he's the boy, he deserves it" and my dad claimed the OTHER available bedroom as his "in home office" (he neither works from home nor uses it, so it's full of **** and does nothing with it). So that left me to share with my sisters because "youre just one of the girls, alex" (prior to this, all 4 kids SHARED one room). I wasn't happy with that. I was 14 at the time, and my sisters were 4 and 6. Not cool. Not cool to go through puberity with no door, and share a bedroom with two toddlers who are literally in EVERYTHING.
My parents decided to "be nice" and call a builder to section off a part of the room, with a wall. He did a SUCKA$$ job, and my room is not insulation like the rest of the house, and gets INCREDIBLY cold, so I try to run a space heater at night. The room is also VERY small. Smaller than most student housing's dorm rooms. Theres a closet with sliding doors And the door opens in. I have a bed, a bookcase, a bedside table, and a dresser.
I was tired of trying to study on the floor for years, so I just got a desk. Naturally, because my room is so small..I can no longer open my dresser drawers more than 2 inches because of my desk. I have a twin bed, and I cannot move it anywhere else in the room because it will put me next to the unfinished balcony door (which has no curtains) and I will get colds constantly. And if I move it on the other side, I cant open my bedroom door all the way.
I recently got an iguana. He's still small,but he came with this big, zoo looking enclosure that’s on wheels and awesome. I have no idea where to put it. It wont fit in my room. When I ask any of my family members for suggestions, they just say “You have too much sh!t in your room.” I don’t think a desk, bookcase, dresser, and bed are unusual amounts of furniture. Considering my brother’s room is 3x the size of mine.
My little sister just sneered at me, “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAD TO HAVE HER OWN ROOM!” Like somehow, at 10 years older than her, and attending university full time, I didn’t need my own room. I could have told her we should have just aborted babies til my parents got another boy. As an only boy, my brother has received special time with our dad (and mom) that I never had, because I was just “one of the girls” even though there’s such a huge age gap. They bought him new truck, and buy him all kinds of things.
Anyways, enough ranting, any ideas on how to maximize space in a TINY room? I thought about sleeping in a hammock, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin my back.
My parents decided to "be nice" and call a builder to section off a part of the room, with a wall. He did a SUCKA$$ job, and my room is not insulation like the rest of the house, and gets INCREDIBLY cold, so I try to run a space heater at night. The room is also VERY small. Smaller than most student housing's dorm rooms. Theres a closet with sliding doors And the door opens in. I have a bed, a bookcase, a bedside table, and a dresser.
I was tired of trying to study on the floor for years, so I just got a desk. Naturally, because my room is so small..I can no longer open my dresser drawers more than 2 inches because of my desk. I have a twin bed, and I cannot move it anywhere else in the room because it will put me next to the unfinished balcony door (which has no curtains) and I will get colds constantly. And if I move it on the other side, I cant open my bedroom door all the way.
I recently got an iguana. He's still small,but he came with this big, zoo looking enclosure that’s on wheels and awesome. I have no idea where to put it. It wont fit in my room. When I ask any of my family members for suggestions, they just say “You have too much sh!t in your room.” I don’t think a desk, bookcase, dresser, and bed are unusual amounts of furniture. Considering my brother’s room is 3x the size of mine.
My little sister just sneered at me, “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAD TO HAVE HER OWN ROOM!” Like somehow, at 10 years older than her, and attending university full time, I didn’t need my own room. I could have told her we should have just aborted babies til my parents got another boy. As an only boy, my brother has received special time with our dad (and mom) that I never had, because I was just “one of the girls” even though there’s such a huge age gap. They bought him new truck, and buy him all kinds of things.
Anyways, enough ranting, any ideas on how to maximize space in a TINY room? I thought about sleeping in a hammock, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin my back.
A. I think if it's possible, get rid of your dresser and install simple shelves on the walls with baskets/boxes to store the contents of your drawers in- that's what I did when I moved and didn't have enough $ for a dresser for a while! Or ask your brother or sisters if your dresser can live in their rooms or maybe there's space out in the hallway? Or maybe you could store the stuff in the drawers/bins/boxes under your bed. You can find simple bed raisers at most home goods stores for $10- this will free up a lot of storage space.
Or do the same with the bookcase- install shelves for your books above your desk or if possible, could you stack your bookcase, or a new bookcase on top of your dresser or desk?
I think you need to get rid of one piece of furniture, and you need to decide based on what's going to work best with your space. The IKEA website and catalog have some great ideas for small spaces if you need help visualizing, and most simple shelving systems are just a few cheap brackets and some wood boards, so not a huge cost- just make sure to find the wall studs when you're installing them!
PS- once you're done with college, you can move out and eventually raise your kids how you feel is best. Until then, nose in the books and don't let it get to you- things change over time and how you were raised is going to be different than how the little ones will be raised. It's not worth your tears/stress.
Or do the same with the bookcase- install shelves for your books above your desk or if possible, could you stack your bookcase, or a new bookcase on top of your dresser or desk?
I think you need to get rid of one piece of furniture, and you need to decide based on what's going to work best with your space. The IKEA website and catalog have some great ideas for small spaces if you need help visualizing, and most simple shelving systems are just a few cheap brackets and some wood boards, so not a huge cost- just make sure to find the wall studs when you're installing them!
PS- once you're done with college, you can move out and eventually raise your kids how you feel is best. Until then, nose in the books and don't let it get to you- things change over time and how you were raised is going to be different than how the little ones will be raised. It's not worth your tears/stress.
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Title Post: My mom is a hoarder and I'm afraid to invite people over?
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Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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