What are some good ways to discipline your kids?

Q. My son is out of control! I know that children are a reflection of you but my daughter does not act as bad a my son. He does not do time out. He tell's me no, spanking only makes him cry. He say I will not do it again etc.... What is some way that will help me regain some control? Please no bad comments because I am looking for some serious help Thanks.

A. Is this behavior new or has it been long going? Have there been any recent changes in his life? Is your family under stress? Does he have reason to feel so angry? If so, he may need a little extra love and support. He may be acting out to feel powerful and gain attention. I know you love him dearly and want him to be happy, but many parents make the mistake of wanting their child to �like� them. If this sounds like you, it will be difficult for him to learn to respect you as a parent. When children do not respect their parents, the parents have no control of them and the child feels they do not have a "safety net" (strong parents who can set and stick by a limit provide a safety net). Children scream for limits! It sounds like he is pushing for a limit when he says �No� to you.

The best way to discipline children is to use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. Spanking is a punishment and does not teach self control. Time outs are punishments as well and, therefore, do not work. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he draws on the wall, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, he puts in the trash. If he chooses not to listen to you, you can choose not to listen to him. If he doesn�t want to eat, he gets hungry. If he doesn�t want to wear his coat, he gets cold outside (natural consequence) or he cannot go outdoors until he is ready to wear it (logical consequence). Get creative! Let the �punishment� fit the crime

Do your best and insist that he comply the first time you request something. If you do not, he will learn that �No� doest not mean it when you say it the first time. Another thing you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a quiet spot in your home (bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (control yourself, stop hitting, listen, behave, calm down�) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He can return when he is ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spot a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

Empathize with him when he is calm. Say things like �I can tell that you are feeling very (angry, upset, hurt, mad, frustrated). What can we do about that?� It will help him to better express himself. Let him know what you thought of his misbehaviors. When he sees how you feel, he will be able to empathize with you and then feel sorry and be able to tell you and mean it.

Notice your son when he is not misbehaving!!! Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! You ran super fast! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders, wonderful ways to show your positive attention, and will help him to feel powerful in a positive way.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. Pick you battles! You can say �Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?� "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible so that the �No�s� have more meaning. Do your best to stay patient and consistent and to keep your hubby on the same page!

Hope this helps and that you can find a little peace!

Original Question

How would I go about designing an Audrey Hepburn bedroom?

Q. My room is teeny tiny and my mum is allowing me to do whatever I want to it, I want an Audrey Hepburn style room, my family has bought me a few pictures. What colour scheme/furniture would look best to work with the theme? I am 16 next month if thats important...
She was an old hollywood actress

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audrey_Hepburn

Tada!

A. Audrey Hepburn was a very stylish lady of the times. She was most famous in films in the 1950's. So I would choose things from that era.

She worn pearls, tight waist belts to show off her tiny waistline, she carried a fashionable purse always and a hat.
She was always very put together.

One of the ideas in decorating in that time frame was to do a black and white decor with splashes of pinks, blacks or grays. Sometimes reds. They had silver fabrics too with lots of shimmer and elegance.
Choose things with lots of sparkle she was a Hollywood star!
Poka-dots were really in fashion.

Furniture was a modern now retro style, very streamline in style or to the other extreme of curves more Victorian in style and often in white or deep wood tones. Tufted headboards on the beds with tacks.
Art nouveau mirrors , elegant chairs, Chrystal glass sparkly lamps.
You can likely find much of the furniture are used stores or Salvation Army stores. A little paint or furniture polish they will look new again.

http://www.jonvaccaridesign.com/designs_slide6.php

http://www.jonvaccaridesign.com/designs_slide4.php

http://www.jonvaccaridesign.com/furniture_showroom.php




http://www.target.com/gp/search/186-4363527-3883358?field-keywords=vintage-50s-furniture&AFID=Google&CPNG=Furniture&LNM=vintage_50s_furniture&LID=23399036&ref=tgt_adv_XSGT0504

http://www.efurniturebuys.com/productdetail.asp?productid=3027&refid=bizrate

http://www.poshliving.com/catalog/Bedding-Bath/Bedding-Collections/Serena-and-Lily-Tess-Bedding-Collection/1106/21165/product_detail.asp

Here are some links to some decals of dots to carry through the idea of poka-dots onto your walls. The poka-dots were usually black on pink or black or red on white. You could paint your room pink and put some dots all over a wall and a few scattered in limited areas on other walls to tie it in.

http://www.dezignwithaz.com/removable-wall-stickers-otherz/bubble-cloud-wall-decals-p-588.html

There is bedding on the market with dots on it to follow through with the dot design plan. Some examples on links below.

http://www.pbteen.com/products/p1351/?catalogId=53&bnrid=3782901&cm_ven=Shopping&cm_cat=Shopzilla.com&cm_pla=Feed&cm_ite=Shopzilla.com


http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Kids-Durham-Polka-Dot-Quilt-Set/3465575/product.html?sec_iid=33969

Or you could paint a large silhouette of Audrey Hepburn on one wall.
Take a look at this link to see what I mean.

http://www.dezignwithaz.com/graphic-wall-decals-characters/dreamz-home-wall-stickers-p-600.html

When you follow the links above scroll and click on the other things on the site when you get to them. Many have lots of ideas for you.

Best wishes have fun and make the room about your love for Audrey Hepburn and your personality too.

Original Question

How does a teenage male decorate his room motocross theme?

Q. ok im 14 and male. i am very into dirtbikes and atvs. my dirtbike is my baby. id like to kind of decorate my room with a motocross theme kind of. i have light ish blue walls and black trim. i cant re paint. i have a poster of megan fox and a kurt cobain poster. i need help. haha. any ideas are welcom

A. Look at this room, it'll be good idea to put up wall decals of bikes above your bed in the same way:

http://boysthemebedrooms.com/skater/Skateboarding_bedding-skateboard_theme_bedroom_decorating_ideas.gif

Buy the decals from:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_nr_i_4?rh=k%3Amotocross+decals%2Ci%3Agarden&keywords=motocross+decals&ie=UTF8&qid=1280300470

http://www.wall-decals.eu/Kids/MotoCross-wall-decal-sticker/prod_252.html

http://hadesdesigns.com/interior-decor/motocross-wall-decals-appliques/

Don't buy motocross bedding as it might be an overkill of the theme. Look at this as an option:

http://www.amazon.com/Tommy-Hilfiger-Comforter-American-Denim/dp/B000GFGIK0/ref=combo_pack_i_9

With accent pillows:

http://www.amazon.com/Smooth-Industries-Signature-Pillows-Pastrana/dp/B001AWGAIS/ref=pd_sim_sg_2

The bed spread and accent pillow will go great with your wall colors too.

Dedicate one wall to your posters and motocross memorabilia. Don't scatter this stuff around the room!

Good Luck :)

Original Question

redecorating toddlers bedroom, should i include education into the design?

Q. my daughter is turning 2. she got a new toddler bed (espresso colored wood), tinker bell bedding, a tinker bell chair, the little tinker bell couch. so the crib and all the baby toys and decor are going. she's almost at the age where i'm going to introduce letters, numbers, shapes, etc. would buying stuff like alphabet borders, number posters, education stuff be beneficial or should i just let it be her play room? if it doesnt make a difference then i wont bother, but if it does help i think i will include education in the design.

A. I found the educational decorations in the room were beneficial for my kids. However if I didn't have them it wouldn't of made much of a difference. I think the decorations more/less helped re-enforce what I had already taught them. It became part of their daily routine when we walked through their room. I guess it made it easy as I didn't actually have to sit down and do it. I could teach them as I was going to get their clothes out of their closet or making their beds.

Here are some things that I have done with my kids for letters, numbers shapes:
1. Painted them on their bedroom walls (like a border around their rooms).
2. Wooden letters/numbers/shapes painted and placed around the room (you can buy them cheap at craft stores/dollar stores and sometimes they come painted)
3. Wall Stickers - they do not stick to your walls with an adhesive but with more of a static. They come in all colors, letters, numbers, and shapes. When your kids are done with them you can take them down
4. Chalk Board Paint - You can paint a chalk board on your child's wall or door and draw them on yourself. The fun thing is that this can grow with them as they get older and they can gradually use it for other purposes.
5. Chalk Board - you can buy these fairly cheap at most office stores hang them in the child's bedroom. The nice thing about chalk is it comes off the walls nicely

These are some things that I have done in my kids bedrooms. My personal favorites have been the chalk board, chalk board paint and the static cling wall stickers. The wall stickers were easy to take down or move if you change the room around. The chalkboard was not just fun for letters but for the kids to play with as well. =)

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