How can I make the start of my story better and more interesting?
Q. This is an extract from the first page and a half of my story but I was wondering if I should start the story straight to when she gets to the town square instead so that it goes straight into the drama or keep it like this? Also I want to know if my paragraph structure is good and if it is interesting enough to keep. I worked very hard on this!
I could be in the safety of my bedroom, drowning in my music rather than on the task I had set upon myself. But I was Annabelle Winchester, the Sherriff’s daughter and that wasn’t possible yet.
I gazed ahead of me blankly, regarding how each part of the forest seemed identical. Turning my head, I glanced towards the towering trees surrounding me.
The main highway was too risky to walk alongside because there were presently a dangerous category of inhabitants on this earth besides just humans. This isolated route conveniently offered me a way around the perimeter of North Dunmarch without getting seen by any soldiers securing the border of our town. It was a reckless decision but it was urgently necessary.
A breeze swept its way underneath the broad forest and steered me into a vice like grip as it heaved me backwards. I disregarded it and focused my thoughts back to why this trek was so essential.
Dad was becoming sicker every day and resources were sparse in town which meant traveling to South Dunmarch where humans had been evacuated long ago. The town facilities were still in agreeable condition. There was an urgent importance in Dad getting better. He was the Sheriff of Dunmarch and he had successfully evacuated the remaining parts of Occultus. The soldiers managing the borders were just kids and needed a great leader like my Dad for guidance.
Dunmarch forest appeared indifferent, full of wonder and beauty.
The scent of rain filled my nostrils as I continued on, my ears picking up on a soft groaning in the distance. My hand immediately tightened around the strap of my satchel bag. Everything I needed was in there.
I trekked onwards for a long while and my pace fastened on noticing more muffled groans, sounding closer.
The trees thinned abruptly, an overgrown clearing opening up before me. The thick weeds had strangled any flowers which had tried to grow, making the area appear foreboding. It had obviously been deserted for a too long. I sighed and headed across the limited greenery to where a small gate stood opposite. It leads to the remaining part of the highway and directly to the town square.
Propping one leg up, I climbed over carefully. My black lace-up boots with inner fur were a wise choice for my trek here.
I pulled my hood up hastily, tilting my head downwards as I walked. I felt safe like that.
There were a row of houses on the left which all looked unkempt. The exterior walls had turned an ivory white to grubby grey.
The road was long and winding, with nothing besides discarded houses to keep me company. I glared directly at each one as I strode past, a troubling feeling building up in the pit of my stomach. I was prepared for anything that might decide to leap out at any moment.
Fortunately, it didn’t take too long to find the town square though it was just as eerily silent here. The stores located on site suggested they had been closed down for centuries rather than five years but there was still a creepy impressing about the place.
A shopping mall lined the right of the square; the exterior camouflaged with graffiti tainted cardboard panels. Without the mall letters above, it could have effortlessly been mistaken for any other wasted store. The positive was that it would be effortless to raid.
Once I reached the mall, I shoved one of the loose, bulky panels towards the right, allowing a slight gap so I could peek inside. Ceiling panels lined a lengthy foyer and with a little daylight filling the breadth too, the mall didn’t appear too dim though it allowed a bleak glance into a forgotten city.
I could be in the safety of my bedroom, drowning in my music rather than on the task I had set upon myself. But I was Annabelle Winchester, the Sherriff’s daughter and that wasn’t possible yet.
I gazed ahead of me blankly, regarding how each part of the forest seemed identical. Turning my head, I glanced towards the towering trees surrounding me.
The main highway was too risky to walk alongside because there were presently a dangerous category of inhabitants on this earth besides just humans. This isolated route conveniently offered me a way around the perimeter of North Dunmarch without getting seen by any soldiers securing the border of our town. It was a reckless decision but it was urgently necessary.
A breeze swept its way underneath the broad forest and steered me into a vice like grip as it heaved me backwards. I disregarded it and focused my thoughts back to why this trek was so essential.
Dad was becoming sicker every day and resources were sparse in town which meant traveling to South Dunmarch where humans had been evacuated long ago. The town facilities were still in agreeable condition. There was an urgent importance in Dad getting better. He was the Sheriff of Dunmarch and he had successfully evacuated the remaining parts of Occultus. The soldiers managing the borders were just kids and needed a great leader like my Dad for guidance.
Dunmarch forest appeared indifferent, full of wonder and beauty.
The scent of rain filled my nostrils as I continued on, my ears picking up on a soft groaning in the distance. My hand immediately tightened around the strap of my satchel bag. Everything I needed was in there.
I trekked onwards for a long while and my pace fastened on noticing more muffled groans, sounding closer.
The trees thinned abruptly, an overgrown clearing opening up before me. The thick weeds had strangled any flowers which had tried to grow, making the area appear foreboding. It had obviously been deserted for a too long. I sighed and headed across the limited greenery to where a small gate stood opposite. It leads to the remaining part of the highway and directly to the town square.
Propping one leg up, I climbed over carefully. My black lace-up boots with inner fur were a wise choice for my trek here.
I pulled my hood up hastily, tilting my head downwards as I walked. I felt safe like that.
There were a row of houses on the left which all looked unkempt. The exterior walls had turned an ivory white to grubby grey.
The road was long and winding, with nothing besides discarded houses to keep me company. I glared directly at each one as I strode past, a troubling feeling building up in the pit of my stomach. I was prepared for anything that might decide to leap out at any moment.
Fortunately, it didn’t take too long to find the town square though it was just as eerily silent here. The stores located on site suggested they had been closed down for centuries rather than five years but there was still a creepy impressing about the place.
A shopping mall lined the right of the square; the exterior camouflaged with graffiti tainted cardboard panels. Without the mall letters above, it could have effortlessly been mistaken for any other wasted store. The positive was that it would be effortless to raid.
Once I reached the mall, I shoved one of the loose, bulky panels towards the right, allowing a slight gap so I could peek inside. Ceiling panels lined a lengthy foyer and with a little daylight filling the breadth too, the mall didn’t appear too dim though it allowed a bleak glance into a forgotten city.
A. ANOTHER post apocalyptic story? this genre is sooooo done. but you are a good writer, and i do wish it jumped into the action right off with all the character details like fur lined boots etc simply thrown in during the course of the story in a meaningful way like 'as i jumped over the rail to escape the rabid ally dogs, the fur lining of my boot got caught on a wire and ......
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Title Post: How can I make the start of my story better and more interesting?
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Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 97% based on 9598 ratings. 4,8 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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