Anyone else just given up on adopting from a rescue?
Q. We're considering going through a rescue to adopt a dog this year. I've read it can be tricky, invasive, and that most rescues act like they really don't want to adopt their dogs. As a test, I sent an email to a group in my area, asking if they adopted out to families with young kids, under a year. It was for a LABRADOR rescue...you know, the country's number one family dog? Their application included questions like "Who are the people that frequently visit your home?" and "how close is the nearest dog park?" I can understand asking about the home and the family basics, but I'm not going to tell you about any guests that MAY come to my home. Do they think I'd mention it if I had my drug dealer stop by every week?
They had 13 dogs listed as theirs up for adoption, plus 4 others listed as well. Many dogs had the tag, "great with kids." I was told NOT A SINGLE LAB would be appropriate for my family. Just based on the age of my kid, we didn't even get to the invasive questions. Apparently everyone with a toddler is going to allow their child to use the dog as a jungle gym...please. I have some common sense.
I'm willing to bet these people grew up with dogs....they would deny my kids the chance to do the same. My husband is even more determined to avoid these places after our last bad experience with a so-called rescue. So I guess we're back to the shelter, hoping for an owner turn-in of a sweet lab mix because of financial issues, or Craigslist for another family "moving" or whatever. I don't think I can stomach the rescues! Anyone feel the same?
I'd expect (and welcome) a home check for a large breed, some questions about my family and lifestyle. But a shelter won't make me sign my life away to submit to a post-adoption checkup, or live in fear they'll try to take it if my housing situation changes--which actually isn't enforceable, anyway. In my experience, you need to have a home, a job, and a checkbook to adopt a shelter dog. They actually let you decide for yourself if your family is ready for a dog!! Imagine that!!! It just seems rescues contribute to the over-crowding problem. Lots of people they turn down end up buying dogs in the pet store, promoting puppy mills!
I don't see how an email literally asking "do you place dogs in homes with small kids" could POSSIBLY be misconstrued as having an attitude. Gee, I guess I must be crazy...thanks for proving me right!!!
They had 13 dogs listed as theirs up for adoption, plus 4 others listed as well. Many dogs had the tag, "great with kids." I was told NOT A SINGLE LAB would be appropriate for my family. Just based on the age of my kid, we didn't even get to the invasive questions. Apparently everyone with a toddler is going to allow their child to use the dog as a jungle gym...please. I have some common sense.
I'm willing to bet these people grew up with dogs....they would deny my kids the chance to do the same. My husband is even more determined to avoid these places after our last bad experience with a so-called rescue. So I guess we're back to the shelter, hoping for an owner turn-in of a sweet lab mix because of financial issues, or Craigslist for another family "moving" or whatever. I don't think I can stomach the rescues! Anyone feel the same?
I'd expect (and welcome) a home check for a large breed, some questions about my family and lifestyle. But a shelter won't make me sign my life away to submit to a post-adoption checkup, or live in fear they'll try to take it if my housing situation changes--which actually isn't enforceable, anyway. In my experience, you need to have a home, a job, and a checkbook to adopt a shelter dog. They actually let you decide for yourself if your family is ready for a dog!! Imagine that!!! It just seems rescues contribute to the over-crowding problem. Lots of people they turn down end up buying dogs in the pet store, promoting puppy mills!
I don't see how an email literally asking "do you place dogs in homes with small kids" could POSSIBLY be misconstrued as having an attitude. Gee, I guess I must be crazy...thanks for proving me right!!!
A. Ugh....I can understand breed rescues wanting to make sure their animals go to a good home where they'll be taken care of, but a lot of them just go waaaay overboard with their demands and want to control everything long after you've adopted an animal.
I wanted to do what I thought was a good thing and give a needy dog a nice loving home, but they make it so unpleasant and tedious and drawn out and treat you like you're some kind of deviant with murderous motives....
And what the hell is up with the "home inspections"?
I thought it was just to make sure we actually had a fenced yard and that our place was doggy proofed and safe....
We have a small but very clean home with a spacious fenced yard.
We only had to go through one home inspection, and it was after that incredibly rude and ridiculous experience that I just wrote off bothering with anymore so called rescue agencies. Maybe it's just the few I dealt with, and I know I shouldn't be judgemental, but I'm now convinced they're all run by crazy neurotic people with severe paranoia and control issues.
The person that came to inspect my home went through my refrigerator! Wtf? She was diggin' all up in there like she was searching for a hidden crack pipe or something. She commented on the 2 beers that were in there, wanted to know how often we drink and how much. (We hardly ever drink and the 2 beers had been in there for at least 3 months, but I'm sure she was convinced we were alcoholics who get smashed on a daily basis and were anxiously waiting for her to give us a dog so we could force it to consume large amounts of beer too.)
She went through every room, and everything IN every room. I was already upset about her going into the fridge and touching everything, and then digging through my kids' toyboxes and claiming things in there weren't safe for dogs....ummm, it's not a damn DOGS toybox!? We were told we would have to get rid of some of the kids toys! LOL!
My 6 yo daughter has an extensive (and expensive) collection of Littlest Pet Shop critters. They're her favorite toys....too bad! A dog can choke to death on them!
Puhleeeze!
The inspection was cut short and ended when I told her to forget it and asked her to leave after she actually walked through our bedroom closet and THEN started to open drawers in my dresser.
I mean, get real, wtf is the point in that? Checking to make sure my panties are dog friendly?
I don't know if those things were actually on the checklist or whatever for her to "inspect" or if she was a sick pervert or just a nosey b**ch, but her actions ruined ALL rescues for me.
I went to Craigslist and found an awesome puppy there that was actually in need of a home and I don't have to worry about any paranoid controlling women showing up at my door unannounced (for up to TWO YEARS!) to "check up on the dog."
I paid $40 for my puppy, not anywhere near the amount of $ that I would have spent to "rescue."
I wanted to do what I thought was a good thing and give a needy dog a nice loving home, but they make it so unpleasant and tedious and drawn out and treat you like you're some kind of deviant with murderous motives....
And what the hell is up with the "home inspections"?
I thought it was just to make sure we actually had a fenced yard and that our place was doggy proofed and safe....
We have a small but very clean home with a spacious fenced yard.
We only had to go through one home inspection, and it was after that incredibly rude and ridiculous experience that I just wrote off bothering with anymore so called rescue agencies. Maybe it's just the few I dealt with, and I know I shouldn't be judgemental, but I'm now convinced they're all run by crazy neurotic people with severe paranoia and control issues.
The person that came to inspect my home went through my refrigerator! Wtf? She was diggin' all up in there like she was searching for a hidden crack pipe or something. She commented on the 2 beers that were in there, wanted to know how often we drink and how much. (We hardly ever drink and the 2 beers had been in there for at least 3 months, but I'm sure she was convinced we were alcoholics who get smashed on a daily basis and were anxiously waiting for her to give us a dog so we could force it to consume large amounts of beer too.)
She went through every room, and everything IN every room. I was already upset about her going into the fridge and touching everything, and then digging through my kids' toyboxes and claiming things in there weren't safe for dogs....ummm, it's not a damn DOGS toybox!? We were told we would have to get rid of some of the kids toys! LOL!
My 6 yo daughter has an extensive (and expensive) collection of Littlest Pet Shop critters. They're her favorite toys....too bad! A dog can choke to death on them!
Puhleeeze!
The inspection was cut short and ended when I told her to forget it and asked her to leave after she actually walked through our bedroom closet and THEN started to open drawers in my dresser.
I mean, get real, wtf is the point in that? Checking to make sure my panties are dog friendly?
I don't know if those things were actually on the checklist or whatever for her to "inspect" or if she was a sick pervert or just a nosey b**ch, but her actions ruined ALL rescues for me.
I went to Craigslist and found an awesome puppy there that was actually in need of a home and I don't have to worry about any paranoid controlling women showing up at my door unannounced (for up to TWO YEARS!) to "check up on the dog."
I paid $40 for my puppy, not anywhere near the amount of $ that I would have spent to "rescue."
How to deal with my 2 small kids & my husband home from surgery/keep them away from him? ?
Q. So Thursday my husband is having a minor surgery. The first couple days he can only lay in bed and recline in chairs. We have a 1 1/2 year old & 4 year old... They love to jump in his lap, wrestle, etc. I don't think they'll understand they can't do those things and basically have to leave him alone especially the first day. Any advice? I'm wondering if I can just give him Tylenol pm and lock him in the bedroom? Lol
A. If at all possible, can they stay with grandparents for that first day? If not then you could explain as simply as possible to the 4 year old that daddy has an owie and needs some quiet time. The 1 1/2 year old will be more difficult. You could also arrange a lot of different activities for the 3 of you to do while he recuperates. They don't have to be expensive either. During the first day I am pretty sure he won't mind staying in bed, so keeping the door shut and the kids occupied shouldn't be too hard. If you do have to redirect them from using daddy as the human jumping gym, then they will be ok. Kids are resilient, and are a lot smart than we give them credit for.
Good luck to you all, and wish him a speedy, jungle gym free, recovery!
Good luck to you all, and wish him a speedy, jungle gym free, recovery!
Terrified of being a parent.........so conflicted!?
Q. We have been married for a while, in our late 20's, and been talking about having kids. We've always wanted kids, we both have strong maternal instincts, both me and him.
Here's my problem...
I proposed I stop birth control and if we do we do, if we don't we don't. My husband is very happy about this and can't stop hugging me and smiling.
What originally was something I was happy with, is turning into fear. Immense fear.
As much as I want a baby, I worry. We live in a 2 bedroom apt with smoky noisy neighbors who live below us. Our neighborhood is okay at least. The 2nd bedroom is a gym...what will I do with al my fitness equipment? I always wanted a house one day or a bigger place to move in. We can't afford to move right now.
I have a fear of everything changing. Of giving up freedom. BUT I look in the mirror, see the wrinkles form in my face, becoming aware that my youth is dwindling. I get extremely envious of others who have babies/children....I realize that it is time for me to grow up, pass the torch on so to speak. Also I am an only child and my heart aches for a bigger family, I could never havejust one kid and at the age of 27 I better get started.
My thinking is...if I let my fear consume me, I will just keep passing it off and passng it off. My best friend tells me if I keep waiting for a perfect time that I will never have children. I'm starting to think she is right. I want to cry right now because I am so conflicted.
Here's my problem...
I proposed I stop birth control and if we do we do, if we don't we don't. My husband is very happy about this and can't stop hugging me and smiling.
What originally was something I was happy with, is turning into fear. Immense fear.
As much as I want a baby, I worry. We live in a 2 bedroom apt with smoky noisy neighbors who live below us. Our neighborhood is okay at least. The 2nd bedroom is a gym...what will I do with al my fitness equipment? I always wanted a house one day or a bigger place to move in. We can't afford to move right now.
I have a fear of everything changing. Of giving up freedom. BUT I look in the mirror, see the wrinkles form in my face, becoming aware that my youth is dwindling. I get extremely envious of others who have babies/children....I realize that it is time for me to grow up, pass the torch on so to speak. Also I am an only child and my heart aches for a bigger family, I could never havejust one kid and at the age of 27 I better get started.
My thinking is...if I let my fear consume me, I will just keep passing it off and passng it off. My best friend tells me if I keep waiting for a perfect time that I will never have children. I'm starting to think she is right. I want to cry right now because I am so conflicted.
A. It's a good sign that you even thought to ask this question, rather than just diving into parenthood. The world would be better if all parents were thoughtful enough to ask questions and then go look for answers.
Can you just put the cradle in the second room with the gym equipment? When the child is older, he/she can use the equipment as a jungle gym - lots of fun, as long as you teach him/her how to be careful of possible dangers.
Maybe your fear is the result of the unknowns you perceive, so you should do some reading and then develop a plan. Be sure to read plenty of books on parenting, think about what they all say, but don't accept on faith any single thing that a book says.
The most important thing you can provide is love, I suppose. Secondary to that are coaching, leadership, and guidance (about what matters in life and why it matters, plus what is worth a child spending his time and effort on). You say you have maternal instincts, so I guess you naturally will be motivated to do that. Actually, I hope your husband's instincts are paternal, not maternal!
Parents' negligence does not necessarily produce a bad result. It produces a random result, which could be great, awful, or anything in between. You should try to skew the result toward the "great" end of that spectrum.
Here are some random ideas I have:
A part of that leadership is giving him skills that would be useful in life. For example, if he is very young, make sure he learns foreign languages by using a foreign-born nanny and/or by enrolling him in a language immersion pre/kindergarten/elementary school (school districts seem to be offering more of these schools recently). Kids learn languages best when starting almost from birth, but starting at elementary school would be the next best thing.
Likewise, he will learn music best if he starts surprisingly early. Personally, I would favor singing lessons because no instrument is needed, so he can sing for fun spontaneously. But whatever music instrument you prefer him to learn, start ASAP.
I wonder whether acting and public speaking lessons would be valuable for an older kid. That would really help his self-presentation, I'm guessing.
Another example: don't just order him to do his school work because it's required. At the start of each semester, look at a list of classes he's taking. Sell him on the value of each course subject - how exactly will it be helpful. You might have to search on Google/whatever for something like "math motivation" to get ideas for how to sell the benefits of a subject. Unfortunately, schools and teachers seldom sell kids on the value of trying to learn what they teach.
When he's old enough, have him try lots of different activities (hobbies; clubs and elective classes at school). Explain the various reasons why each activity is worthwhile:
* Develop skills he can use in life
* Figure out what career he'll probably be good at and excited about
* Be a more interesting person, especially to people who are interested in that activity
* Get practice with difficult technical subjects, to be better prepared when trying to learn them in college or on the job. Some subjects are difficult enough that it will be very helpful to have been exposed to them before and to have a lot of practice.
Some parents pressure their kids to go to college and sometimes even to get a particular kind of career. I wonder whether parents should suggest exploring less common alternatives. For instance, somehow encouraging entrepreneurial thinking, living and working overseas, and whatever other nontraditional paths you can think of. I don't know how to sell kids on those kinds of ideas, but it seems worth trying. I think that preparing for life is even more important than preparing for college.
Still another aspect of leadership is responding to problems that come up. A couple examples:
1) If your child is anxious or has social difficulties, don't just ignore it or give up if you can't figure out how to help. Hire a family counselor or child psychologist.
2) If your child does not understand a particular school subject fully, hire a tutor. Even if he/she currently has an A grade, this might be valuable if homework or tests show wrong answers that he/she cannot explain. This has a side benefit of teaching the child to seek outside academic help when needed, rather than accepting poor performance.
Can you just put the cradle in the second room with the gym equipment? When the child is older, he/she can use the equipment as a jungle gym - lots of fun, as long as you teach him/her how to be careful of possible dangers.
Maybe your fear is the result of the unknowns you perceive, so you should do some reading and then develop a plan. Be sure to read plenty of books on parenting, think about what they all say, but don't accept on faith any single thing that a book says.
The most important thing you can provide is love, I suppose. Secondary to that are coaching, leadership, and guidance (about what matters in life and why it matters, plus what is worth a child spending his time and effort on). You say you have maternal instincts, so I guess you naturally will be motivated to do that. Actually, I hope your husband's instincts are paternal, not maternal!
Parents' negligence does not necessarily produce a bad result. It produces a random result, which could be great, awful, or anything in between. You should try to skew the result toward the "great" end of that spectrum.
Here are some random ideas I have:
A part of that leadership is giving him skills that would be useful in life. For example, if he is very young, make sure he learns foreign languages by using a foreign-born nanny and/or by enrolling him in a language immersion pre/kindergarten/elementary school (school districts seem to be offering more of these schools recently). Kids learn languages best when starting almost from birth, but starting at elementary school would be the next best thing.
Likewise, he will learn music best if he starts surprisingly early. Personally, I would favor singing lessons because no instrument is needed, so he can sing for fun spontaneously. But whatever music instrument you prefer him to learn, start ASAP.
I wonder whether acting and public speaking lessons would be valuable for an older kid. That would really help his self-presentation, I'm guessing.
Another example: don't just order him to do his school work because it's required. At the start of each semester, look at a list of classes he's taking. Sell him on the value of each course subject - how exactly will it be helpful. You might have to search on Google/whatever for something like "math motivation" to get ideas for how to sell the benefits of a subject. Unfortunately, schools and teachers seldom sell kids on the value of trying to learn what they teach.
When he's old enough, have him try lots of different activities (hobbies; clubs and elective classes at school). Explain the various reasons why each activity is worthwhile:
* Develop skills he can use in life
* Figure out what career he'll probably be good at and excited about
* Be a more interesting person, especially to people who are interested in that activity
* Get practice with difficult technical subjects, to be better prepared when trying to learn them in college or on the job. Some subjects are difficult enough that it will be very helpful to have been exposed to them before and to have a lot of practice.
Some parents pressure their kids to go to college and sometimes even to get a particular kind of career. I wonder whether parents should suggest exploring less common alternatives. For instance, somehow encouraging entrepreneurial thinking, living and working overseas, and whatever other nontraditional paths you can think of. I don't know how to sell kids on those kinds of ideas, but it seems worth trying. I think that preparing for life is even more important than preparing for college.
Still another aspect of leadership is responding to problems that come up. A couple examples:
1) If your child is anxious or has social difficulties, don't just ignore it or give up if you can't figure out how to help. Hire a family counselor or child psychologist.
2) If your child does not understand a particular school subject fully, hire a tutor. Even if he/she currently has an A grade, this might be valuable if homework or tests show wrong answers that he/she cannot explain. This has a side benefit of teaching the child to seek outside academic help when needed, rather than accepting poor performance.
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Title Post: Anyone else just given up on adopting from a rescue?
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Rating: 97% based on 9598 ratings. 4,8 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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