How does this sound as a rental cover letter?

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Chris M

We recently toured an apartment we really like, however we recently had to short sale our home to move out of state for work. It was suggested that we write a cover letter. Please let me know if this sounds ok without sounding desperate (I've taken out info such as town, names, etc for privacy):

Thank you for taking the time to allow us to view your lovely townhome at XXX America Street in Certain City, USA. We have been searching for quite awhile for the perfect three bedroom in Certain City, and feel that we would very happy in the one you are offering. Along with this letter, please find our completed applications and current pay stubs. Since applications can give a very generic overview of possible tenants, please allow us to tell you a bit more about our family:

We are a family of five who recently made a big move to Second State from First State! Ryan graduated from Big University in the spring of last year with a degree in elementary education and, with the job market not being so great, decided to apply for positions out of state as well as in state. He ended up landing a job at Awesome Elementary in Certain City and we packed our belongings and moved up here in July of last year. Our intention was to settle in Certain City, however we were very limited in our time and choices when selecting our first apartment and ended up in Another City. We like Another City, however we still wish to be in Certain City. With Ryan working in the Certain City community and Sophia working in A Closeby Town, we feel it would limit our commute time and allow us to gain more family time. It will also be convenient to be closer to the commuter rail as Ryan will be starting his master’s program at Another University this summer. With our current lease coming to an end, we feel this is the perfect time to move into the city and community we’ve grown to love in the past year.

As previous homeowners, you can be assured that we will respect and care for your home as if it were our own. Being a very active family, we also feel that your location is perfect for us, being in close proximity downtown and also on a street that we feel comfortable allowing the kids to ride bikes on.

We also wanted to point out a few things from our application. Sophia is a kitchen designer currently working part time. As of June, she will be going full time and her income will increase to $900/week. If needed, we can provide a letter from her boss stating this. We also wanted to point out the fact that we recently had to short sale our home in First State. With the amount of foreclosures in our area, our home depreciated in value almost $100,000 and it was a last option for us to sell to move up here for Ryan’s career. Please know that, while we realize this may be a red flag, we have never been late on our rent and could provide proof of that. We would also be willing to give a security deposit or pay a little more per month in rent to make you feel more comfortable with us. We really love your home and would be willing to discuss any possible ideas and hope that you will find us to be suitable candidates for your beautiful unit.

Thank you for your consideration,
(our names)
The last paragraph is included because the short sale has affected our credit, and they will see it on our report, so we'd like to address it beforehand. It is saying that, in spite of the short sale, we can afford the rent and would be willing to pay an additional deposit to ease their minds. We also wanted to explain the situation a bit - we didn't short sale because we could no longer afford the home, we HAD to sell the home due to moving out of state for a job and after it being on the market for a year, had to go to a short sale to be done with it.

Answer
That last paragraph of yours is a red flag paragraph.

You sound as though you need to convince them that you can afford their rent, which suggests that perhaps you can't.

Sorry, but it doesn't work for me - there's a 'fakeness' about it.

How is the behavior of your mother with you?

Rose

If you are a teenager and belong to a very rich family that live in country like USA or UK or any other developed one, what is your mother's behavior with you? what does she do at home, of course, she can't do household tasks like common ladies because there are already workers and maids in house who can do that then what does she do ? what's her hobby? please describe her character in detail. If she is mostly out of the house, where does she go?
I need it for a fiction novel that I am writing these days, because I live in Asia, mothers are quite different here. I need to have an idea about the western mothers.

Answer
every morning, she is awakened by the sunlight rather than the classic alarm clock (ha! what does she need this useless contraption for? everything happens according to HER time). she does not work, she lives merely in leisure. as she rises from her bed, she sees her CEO husband has left the bed. in route to work by now of course. She makes her way to the bathroom where Mina, her housekeeper, has neatly laid out her towel and washcloth with the family heirloom embroidered into the fabric. She quickly hops in the shower and then into a nice clean bathrobe, brushes her teeth and as she's walking through her master bedroom to make her way to the stairway, like clockwork, Mina enters the bedroom, greets her good morning and begins to make up the bed. she makes her way down the stairwell. the aroma of turkey bacon and egg whites fill the air. Cheo, the chef, is preparing breakfast as usual. She enters the kitchen just in time to see Cheo laying the last strip of bacon on her plate. She must have slept in late because the kids are no where in sight. Cheo greets her good morning as well and she eats her breakfast. Afterwards, she has Mina prepare her an outfit from her tremendous wardrobe. She has decided to attend an art seminar today while her husband is away. She and him used to attend these seminars regularly....until his promotion.


im not rich at all! but based on things ive read, seen, and heard, i would think the mother of a rich family would act like this. lol didnt mean to write a story, i wanted you to feel the mood lol.

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