Tuesday, January 1, 2013

How do you do it? Juggling cleaning, cooking, laundry, and still have time for yourself?

Q. I'm a newlywed, still in college, no kids yet, and I feel overwhelmed. I like to have time with my husband, to relax and yes, have sex but our apartment is suffering. Our dishwasher is backed up, I can't figure out our iron, and worse we're suffering an infestation of ants! I feel like a crap housewife. How do I get back on track so the house is clean and my husband is happy? I know he'd prefer not to have this happen again but I think he'd like that without taking sex out of the equation. I'd like that too.

A. I just wrote this reply to a gla who wanted to know how to keep her room clean but it applies here.
Deadicating time to focus on cleaning, cooking etc. is the key perhaps for an apartment you can start with 20 minutes a day. Husband - can he work with you? He can figure out the iron and deal with the ants. By the way any liquid soap kills them and I leave a stream of it across their trails. If you know where they are coming from you can spread a layer of baby powder around the entrance - they will not cross and no chemicals!

I think what you are looking for is discipline, to clean and maintain your room.
This method works for me in my five bedroom, five bath house.
1. Daily maintenance and pick up and bed making. Set timer for 15 minutes every day.
Starting with the floor, up pick up items and put them where they belong, hang up clothes or put in laundry basket (have one in your closet). Toss out papers, wrappers and other trash in waste paper basket (have one in room). Have a tray, box, hamper or I use a snow disk at the entrance of the door way with my timer on it for all the things that have to be taken out of the room like cups, books etc..
Keep working until the timer rings don't stop to think about items, if you have stuff you are pondering keeping, tossing or giving away put it in a corner for now and deal with it later.
Your 15 minutes is speed cleaning, pick up.
When the timer rings you are done, leave the room, take out your trash, return any times to other rooms.
Do your 15 minutes daily and that might be all you need to keep your room picked up and clean.
Lets say Monday you got your floor picked up but your closet is a mess - set your timer for cleaning the closet. The floor may take your 15 minutes that day, putting your clothes in color and type order my be Tuesday or Wednesday. Another day your 15 minutes might be cleaning your bedside table and a drawer or under the bed. Rotate round the room cleaning the surfaces.

This regularly scheduled roteen pick up for general cleaning and daily putting things up and away would make your room always "company ready".. Yahoo. Let's do on to part 2.
2. At the end of a week your room should be transformed with items picked up so now you have 15 minutes to pick up an already straighten room. Now is the time for deeper cleaning.
Monday: 15 minutes: Working with parent? Strip bed - wash sheets, pillow cases, do your laundry, fold and return. Tuesday: 15 minutes: Soft Scrub cleaning eraser (for plastic and painted surfaces only) on light switches, parts of doors that get grungy from fingerprints, clean window ledge, dust surfaces and window ledge. Wednesday: Vacuum your room including the nosel attachment for corners and don't forget closet. Thursday: Purge closet of stuff/clothing you no longer use to give away or toss or re purpose. Friday: Are we clean yet? How about cleaning out back pack or purse? Saturday: is the floor getting messy - clean it up.
Sunday: Take the day off - you did a great job! Can't be faithful with 15 minutes? Start with ten and work as fast as you can.
I guarantee once you get this plan in place you can apply this to your own home in the future with no problems.


When raising young kids, when do you let it go or confront an issue?
Q. I have two kids, a boy and girl that are ages 6 and 8. I'm not sure when to discipline them or ignore them. I tend to do more disciplining/ training than ignoring, but I wanted to find out what other parents do. When do you just leave it alone?

A. Ask yourself, "is this going to matter in 10 years?" or "what do I want my kids to remember when they are grown?" Do you want them to remember mom harping on cleaning all the time or do you want them to remember mom participating in having fun with them? Messy bedrooms? That's why they have doors, shut them. Kids do things in their own time and while their bedroom might be too messy for us, it takes awhile before it becomes too messy for them, but it does and eventually they'll surprise you.
When it comes to what they wear, look back at some of your old photos, then tell me that YOU would dress like that today. Every generation has their "special look" as long as what they wear complies with school policy don't fuss. Afterall what good does standing at your front door arguing over clothing when the bus drives past your house without your kid? Pick your battles.


Quitting and trying to get rid of smoke smell, but I can't smell it?
Q. Before you tell me to quit smoking, well I am. However, I just stopped smoking about a week ago. I only smoked in my bedroom, and usually a good cleaning got rid of the smell for me. The problem is that probably due to my smoking, I can't really tell if it stinks or not. I know non-smokers can telll as soon as they walk in but I have no one to ask at the moment and I want to make sure it doesn't smell before my parents come to visit this weekend. I have 3 electrical air freshners that have been on for 2 days, cleaned and vaccumed with at least 3 different products but I think I might smell it because I'm on the patch and I feel sick after being in my room for too long. How to tell?

A. Make sure you wash all your bedding plus pillows. Also wash your curtains and you may have to wash down your walls and bedroom furniture and tv and nearly everything in your bedroom. Sorry but that`s what I had to do + the carpeting shampooed. Its a job but if you want to delete the cig smell this is what you have to do. Don`t kid yourself its traveled through your other part of the house too including your closet. I quit nearly 1 year ago and really had a cleaning job on my hands. Good Luck to you and congrats! on quitting...Keep your windows open and if you have a room purifier run that too it helps and febreeze is good!!!!


What can I do to keep my marriage happy and not angrily driven?
Q. We have 5 kids. 3 are my stepkids and two me and her had together. She lets them run all over her and I seem to be the only one who disciplines. We are an interracial couple. DOES THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE? What should I do?

A. The two of you have to come to an agreement. Otherwise, if she countermands your orders or your say-so, it won't do you or the kids any good. They know all they have to do is run to mom and she will say "YES." So the way to fix this is to talk to your wife and come to a mutual agreement and STICK TO IT...if one of you says NO, then the other one says NO and if there is a difference of opinion, you have to go to your bedroom or somewhere where the kids will not hear you disagreeing and talk it over. If in this case, you talk it over and come to an agreement, you BOTH must sit down with your kids and tell them, "this is what mom AND dad have agreed to." This way, the kids cannot play the mommy-daddy Can I thing on either one of you.

I don't think race has anything to do with the problem. Behavior is not racial. Behavior is learned. And children will push your boundaries to the limits - that is how ALL kids, over every race, are. What you have really, is a difference of opinion between yourself and your wife about how to parent children and how you use discipline in order to maintain sanity and safety in your household.

This will only work IF your wife agrees to this plan AND sticks to it. The moment she gives in or violates the agreement is the moment YOU AND HER loose. That is what you have to make perfectly clear to her...

If she does not agree or will not comply with the agreement, then you have a much bigger problem of an undisciplined mother and undisciplined wife, and that is when you need to go to marriage counseling, because the problem is not between the kids and you, it is between you and your wife.





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Title Post: How do you do it? Juggling cleaning, cooking, laundry, and still have time for yourself?
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